1st letter (pt 2)

 I get the letter! It make me so happy when I received it. I hope from the bottom of my hearth all of your words are true. I was so down and hopeless but you cheer me up with the news. I'm so happy.

I have to say I feel bad thinking about Coral, Sandra, Luz, Guille thinking we're not talking because at some point I feel its wrong to keep talking, like for me we still talking but I'm so sad when I'm not sure about you doing well... I don't even mean about you being loyal anymore, I just want you to be happy.

I'm sad because someone may do everything better than me and that's make me feel like a failure... Like I always am... But I want to believe that you will make it after all the bullshit you went through and that gives me hope to make it well too.

I don't even know how I get to that conclusion but I'm a 100 % sure honest about it now.

I missed you so much. Even if everytime I think about some moment that we spend together is contaminated by something bad... Somehow my mind maximize the kind word, your kisses, your hugs, your arms, your smell... to be honest I'm not sure about this being love or me being masochist.

But still... I miss you...

I want to do it well and then discover us... It will work? Are we even see each other again? 

How it will be? 

Are you going to make me mad again?

Are you going to make me sick of questions again?

Those questions on my head only reminds me of all my mistakes trying to talk to you... and hurting each other.

Then I remember "ah, you only can love him from afar".

That's the think that truly make me sad from all the things.

Because everytime I try to be close you get so obsessed and I don't know that to do, and give you all from me it's not the answer.